Stop and stare

Churning them out one after the other!

This has me thinking...

My thoughts lie with the question of when if ever is quantity better than quality? How about when one is with futile effort attempting making up for lost time and lost posts.

Sometimes I feel that if I do not document what I am feeling at a particular time, that feeling will be lost to me, as if setting in motion a terrible and irreversible course of events, the day in question will slowly but surely start to fade and then inevitably its memory will be gone forever. For none other than this selfabsorbed and rather selfish reason I have started to carry a notebook around with me. This rings quite similar to when I first began to carry the samsung nv3 around with me just in case I saw something I wanted to capture. Then one evening when walking alone along this little path somewhere where I had never been before I saw this beautiful scene unfold in front of me and I instinctively rummaged for the camera only to stop just before I positioned the viewfinder in in front of my eye.

How selfish of me to only consider something like this as on a need to capture basis! If it is good, take it, if it is not, then keep on walking. I had become completely incapable at appreciating something that wasn't pleasing to the eye. And even worse I had forgotten to just stop and stare.

When I'm angry I....

Lately I have been stuck, unable to find a suitable topic to write about. I stumbled onto this link today for a site called the creativity portal, they have this intresting little tool called the imagination prompt.... A little godsend for me!!! Hurrah!

So... Here goes nothing.



When I'm angry I....

do or become one of two things. If the person or situation that has made me angry is dear to me I cry. I have realised that lately it doesn't take much to make me cry, I don't even seem to care for who it is I am crying in front of. And strangely enough I cannot control it either... It must have somthing to do with the anger part. Dammit!

On the other hand if I am angry about something else, like a half empty Starbucks cup I just paid near enough £3 pounds for, or an insolent, knuckleheaded idiot trying to push in a shopping or ATM queue, or my worst pet peeve mentally retarded colleauges at work not respecting my patient's right to privacy! DOES A CLOSED CURTAIN NOT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU? YOU SELFRIGHTEOUS INCOMPETENT PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A MAN!
In this case, someone, I do not particularly care who, will become the subject of my wrath. Poor unfortunate souls who tend to linger around me when I am about to blow my top off will instantly regret ever wanting to engage in a conversation with me about lets say the lazy sods in CT scanning refusing to stand up from their shapely derrieres to cannulate CT patients. A favourite topic in our department.

As I am quite new to my work place they have no idea of what I am keeping wrapped tightly under my black khimar. Right now I am the mild mannered, youthful new nurse.

One thing I have noticed is that it while it doesn't take much to anger me. I tend to quickly forget how angry I was about something or that I was even angry at someone to begin with! I often find myself a week later deeply engrossed in a conversation with someone and all the while feeling slightly hostile not realising until an hour later that I had been angry at them about a half eaten sandwich...

Qadr

Time for another post, hopefully this one more meaninful than the one before. In my travels as a nurse I have come across many people. None that have inspired me more than this young man with the most extraordinary spirit.

He suffers from sickle cell disease and has been admitted with the worst crisis he has ever experienced just before Eid Al Adha, lost 26kgs since then and has just been told his kidey has failed and he's only 25 years old. Both his parents and his sister have passed away and the only remaining relatives are on another continent. After all of this his eemaan is so strong, when he talks about the prophet muhammad (pbuh) His face lights up and for a moment the pain seems to dissapear. What brought tears to my eyes as when he said that the only reason he feels he can continue through one dissapointment after another is knowing that Allah only tests those whom he loves.